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Talk:Genderflux/@comment-20437158-20190730161826
I don't know if I'm a cis-female who's simply a tomboy, or genderflux. I mean, ever since I was little, I was always a bit of a tomboy. I never liked makeup or dresses or anything like that. I never had dolls or wanted to be a princess or anything like that. I also liked being called a tomboy and identified myself as one. But as of late, sometimes I feel 100% female but other times I feel mostly female, or at least I think I do. I use she/her pronouns, I like to label myself as a female, I also often call myself a woman, but there are some days where I feel like a demigirl? Before I discovered genderflux, I entertained the idea of being a genderfluid demigirl, as in I switch between being a female and a demigirl. The thing is though is that sometimes it felt right, but other times not quite? Sometimes it feels foreign to label myself as genderflux/genderfluid/demigirl, but other times I feel okay towards it? When I discovered genderflux, it was a mix of "that's what I'm feeling? that's my possible identity?!" and feeling really intimidated by it. Like, I felt stressed about it. It made sense but it also feels kind of scary? I'd even say it felt wrong? So I don't know if that means I'm cis, or if it's just me being afraid of the idea of being nonbinary and being in that minority.﻿ It feels intimidating for me, to be completely honest. Like, I feel like it would be weird to identify as such or something. Like I would stick out like a sore thumb amongst others. ﻿ And I'll be honest, sometimes I feel intimidated by this because the people I look up to and admire (my favorite YouTubers, artists, etc) are cis as far as I know and for some reason the idea of being something else scares me? I mean I'm already asexual so I'm apart of LGBT I think, so I guess it wouldn't make much of a difference. I wanna say that I should wait and give it time and not worry about it and eventually I'll realize my identity. But I'm really impatient. I also had a few moments of me feeling like a guy, I think, so maybe it's genderfluid? The thing is with being afab is that I don't know if I disagree with being a female, or disagree with the stereotype of being a female. I hate the word gender roles with a passion because I feel like it's telling me I'm expected to be the ancient world view of what a woman should be. You know, being submissive to men, taking care of the household, never going outside, having kids, being a mother...the idea of it makes me want to vomit my guts out. And the thing is also is that I don't believe that all feminine men are nonbinary or gay, or all tomboys are nonbinary. And honestly, I'm really really worried that I want to be nonbinary just to get attention and support or something. It's also worth noting that I have OCD so maybe these are just symptoms of it? Maybe I should take a break from looking at gender stuff so I could see if I'm actually feeling this way?